Ex-boyfriends and flaky hosts: readers seek help managing social friction

A reader known as Wondering in the Northwest is struggling with a persistent ex-boyfriend who continues to contact her despite her efforts to disappear from the public digital sphere. The 39-year-old has been married for 20 years and has two nearly grown children. She reports that her husband cheated on her several times early in their relationship, a fact that influences her current feelings of missing out. Wondering has removed herself from social media and job websites, yet several exes have reached out to her in the last 18 months. One specific man occupies a disproportionate amount of her mental energy. They connected by phone about a year ago, and while nothing happened in person, she felt compelled to cut the conversation. He has since found her through a mutual friend, causing her intrusive thoughts to return.

Abigail Van Buren advises Wondering not to risk her stable marriage on hypothetical scenarios. The column states that the husband’s past indiscretions are not an excuse for current infidelity. Van Buren suggests treating those early relationship issues as ancient history rather than moving past them partially. The recommended action is to block the ex-boyfriend and instruct friends to stop sharing her phone number without permission. If the reader feels a need to rekindle passion with her husband, Van Buren recommends consulting a licensed couples counselor, either jointly or individually.

A second reader, identified as Mixed Up in Arizona, describes a conflict with longtime friends who agreed to visit for dinner and a night’s stay. The couple confirmed their arrival for the afternoon a week prior. Two hours before the scheduled time, the friends called to report a mix-up. They requested to push dinner back to 10:30 p.m. and spend the entire following day visiting. The hosts, whose bedtime is around 10 p.m., adapted by serving light appetizers and dessert when the guests arrived near 11 p.m. The hosts retired at midnight after setting up the guest room.

The next morning, the hosts reminded the guests they had an existing commitment at 10 a.m. but offered coffee and pastries beforehand. The guests said they prefer sleeping until almost noon and appeared miffed that the hosts did not alter their plans. Van Buren validates the hosts’ handling of the situation. She states she would have acted the same way. Her advice for the future is to never agree to host that presumptuous couple again.

Dear Abby has been written by Abigail Van Buren for nearly four decades. Jeanne Phillips authored the column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Readers can contact the column at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.