Jeanne Phillips advises reader to respect 30-year silence after breakup

A man writing to the Dear Abby column asked for permission to reach out to a high school ex-girlfriend after 30 years of silence. He explained that he dated her for two years after graduating from high school in 1974. He ended the relationship without explanation, stating only that he had met someone else, and married that new partner within a year.

For the next 20 years, he occasionally sent birthday wishes to the first woman. After several attempts, he received a certified letter instructing him to have no contact. The letter warned that attorneys would become involved if he continued to write. He has not spoken to her since that exchange.

The writer, who signed the letter as Another Dumb Male, asked if it would be right to send an apology now. He wanted to explain that he was insensitive and an idiot for leading her on while she expected a path to marriage. He noted that he has not thought about needing to apologize for the first 50 years of their separation.

Jeanne Phillips, the writer behind the Dear Abby persona, responded directly to his question. She asked what part of the phrase no contact he did not understand. Phillips stated that the woman wants nothing to do with him and that he broke her heart. She argued that no amount of sincere apology would result in forgiveness.

The columnist said the letter the man wants to send is for his own benefit, not hers. She instructed him to stop being selfish and to let her leave the emotional trauma in the distant past. Phillips emphasized that the woman rightly wants the matter closed after half a century.

In a second letter in the same column, a reader named Private Property described an incident involving an eight-foot privacy fence surrounding their backyard. The reader was grilling dinner when two young women walked through a small path from the driveway into the fenced area. The women introduced themselves as college students from Europe selling magazines.

The reader asked the women to back off the property, noting that strangers should use the front door. The reader mentioned that trespassing can be dangerous and that the women were lucky the family dog was inside. They questioned if there are places where entering a stranger's fenced yard is acceptable, adding that they suspected the women were not legitimate students.

Phillips told the reader they were correct on every level. She described the women's actions as foolish, rude, illegal, and potentially dangerous. She stated that in both Europe and the United States, a backyard is sacrosanct and strangers should never enter without an invitation. She called the women's story pure malarkey because they got caught.