Book Club Member Steals Focus

An advice columnist for The Boston Globe advised a new book club member to stop trying to remove a domineering friend from the group and instead accept her behavior as a fixed trait. The writer, Matthew Gilbert, addressed a reader who joined a local reading group after a move and found that one participant made every meeting about herself. Gilbert told the reader to view the member as a predictable social figure rather than a toxic presence that requires removal.

The reader described a woman who brags about her travels, dominates plans, and previously insisted a family diagnosis was wrong. The group generally accepted this behavior. The reader hesitated to discuss the issue with other members because they are new to the group. She considered quitting but wanted to stay. She asked for stories that address these specific social dynamics.

Gilbert compared the woman to Lucy Van Pelt from the comic strip Peanuts. He described her as an adult who acts like a child terrified of vulnerability. He stated that such individuals are a feature of social groups, not a bug. He argued that quitting hands a victory to the person stealing focus. He warned that moving against her directly is risky and could make the reader look bad.

The columnist suggested the reader visualize the member as a child to reduce personal judgment. He quoted the character Omar from the television series The Wire, paraphrasing the line: You come at the queen, you best not miss. Gilbert recommended finding a way to coexist with the member rather than fighting her for control.

He proposed reading novels about social bullies as a way to process the group's themes. He noted that entertainment about domineering personalities often reveals the reasons for their defensive behavior. This understanding can lead to tolerance. He cited the first season of Apple TV+'s Bad Sisters as an example of how a megalomaniacal husband became a monster.

Gilbert recommended the 2002 British television series The Book Group. The show is available on Amazon. It features an American woman who moves to Glasgow and forms a book group to make friends. The character starts as the overbearing one because she feels out of control in a new country. The other members do not call her out but reflect her excess back to her.

He listed several other titles that focus on group dynamics. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is a novel in letters set during and after the Nazi occupation of the Channel Islands in the early 1940s. A 2018 Netflix movie adaptation directed by Mike Newell exists. The Jane Austen Book Club is a 2004 novel about six members reading six Austen novels. A 2007 movie adapted the story.

The 2018 movie Book Club features older women reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Its sequel Book Club: The Next Chapter follows the same group. The films include Diane Keaton and Jane Fonda. Gilbert described them as frivolous but worth watching for the cast.

He recommended the 1991 movie Enchanted April, based on the 1922 novel by Elizabeth von Arnim. The story follows four English women who rent an Italian castle after World War II. One woman demands respect and the best room. The others humanize her by seeing through her superior facade. The group finds a way to tease her best qualities to the surface.

William Golding's 1954 novel Lord of the Flies offers a blueprint for social structure. The story involves boys stranded on an island who form a primitive hierarchy. A 2026 Netflix miniseries adapted the novel. The series was created by Jack Thorne. The plot shows how a leader uses fear to control others. The columnist also referenced the HBO series Succession as a funny example of a bullying mogul dividing and conquering his children.

Tina Fey's 2004 movie Mean Girls addresses who lands at the top of a social heap. The film anticipates social media and features comic performances. Gilbert noted that the 2024 film based on the musical version is less valuable. He also pointed to Toy Story 3. The character Lotso the teddy bear is voiced by Ned Beatty. Lotso acts as an autocratic personality who hassles the group. The audience learns of his broken history and sees him get his due.